Yes Peppermint Whipped Cream. Husband and I were walking through Pick N Save and I needed to get milk. So as we were walking past the dairy coolers I happened to look over and see Peppermint Whipped Cream......never seen it before.....so instantly I look at Husband and say " Look, its Peppermint Whipped Cream, that would be cool." He smiles at me with one of those smiles that says he really doesn't want me to say the next thing I am going to say but of course I did, " Peppermint Whipped Cream, now that could be TONS OF FUN!!" And Silence...........
Intimacy has taken a hiatus since "Steve" moved in completely. We have not been intimate for over 7 months and before that it was 4 months and before that 3 months and so on. When we did blood work for his evaluation for services thru Aurora Psych we had to get blood work done so I asked them if they could test his testosterone levels. I do not know what the levels were but the PCP stated all of his tests came back normal. So it must be normal....but there is nothing normal about our sex life or intimacy in our marriage.
A few years ago I read the book, "The 5 Love Languages" By Gary Chapman and discovered my love language was Physical Touch.....I knew it was but you know what I mean......husband doesn't put any stock in those kinds of books so he didn't read it or do the quiz and that's OK. This discovery truly gave me a bigger insight to why I feel the way I do about certain things.........so you can imagine that with our intimacy not happening how much that throws me. Also because well, I definitely didn't agree to give it up. I am 38 yrs old and I have made choices and have given up things but this was NOT one of them. I am not very comfortable talking about these things so its a hard topic for me to bring to my husband but I have many times. When I do he gets upset and tells me that the pressure is part of it.........so I try not to bring it up but its in the forefront of my mind and thoughts.......I miss the intimacy......the touching, kissing, love, and fun. I thrive on physical contact and TRY to make sure that I am enjoying the intimacy he is trying to give but MAN............I know I am not very eloquent with my words but this is the point we are at. I don't know how much longer I can go like this.....
I work very hard to meet everyone's needs in this house at the exact moment they want them met. I am not always able to but I do work hard to try. My needs aren't anyone's priority right now. It is amazing how selfishness and self centeredness has taking up residence in our home....It is amazing to see how quickly the kids started doing it because my husband is.......I have lived with alcoholism growing up and my husband was an alcoholic for a while and I know how selfish alcoholics can be and I have to say with this Anorexia/Orthorexia its right up there........NOTHING stops his running. If I am sick he will stay home from work but goes running......my back is out he goes running......I had a hysterectomy and he still went running, leaving our children here with me to referee. He is trying harder and I am proud of him for it. Its just hard.........
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