Scared

Scared........an emotion that has become part of my daily life.  Throughout my life I never felt 100% safe due to different experience I have had but once I met my husband, I always felt safe.......that peace.  But since this all started I feel anything but safe.  I am scared for him, scared of him, and scared of what will happen.


My husband is so thin that you can see every rib in his chest and every bone in his spinal column.  I can wrap my thumb and forefinger around his wrists, and his upper arms are like sticks.  He typically has a yellowish tint to his skin but now its dark spots from the top of his cheek bones and up. He fears almost all foods except the few he will eat. We go through about 18-20 lbs of baby carrots a week. Our children won't talk to him about any of this because they are afraid of his reaction so they talk to me. They tell me how this isn't their dad and ask if he is going to get better. What do you say? I tell them that he loves them and wants them to talk to him. That I believe he can get better but he has to WANT to.

I am very thankful that with this situation my husband tries hard to be transparent about everything he can. When he weighs himself, he shows me. When he puts in his calories and activity online he lets me see it or tells me what it says.  This past week he ran 117 miles in 6 days.......he is averaging 19-20 miles a DAY.  This is not acceptable.....in order to run that much he is out of the house then so his time is spent: gym, work, gym, home, store, home, and bed , to start all over again.....He is a runner and I am so proud of the running he does. He has participated in 4 half marathons and we love to be able to cheer him on.  Watching him run makes me so proud, just one more thing I am proud of him for. But we are having trouble balancing the running with the food.